It’s Friday night. Jeffrey has had a long and tiring week and decides to sleep early. As he closes his eyes and prepares to retire for the night, his phone vibrates beneath his pillow. Squinting his tired eyes to adjust to the brightness of his screen, he sees a Snapchat notification. His friend Dave just sent him a video. Dave is out partying with his friends. All of a sudden, Jeffrey is flooded by a heaviness in his gut. A strange feeling that clenches his throat. As he replays the 20-second video again and again, Jeffery starts rethinking his decision to be indoors on a Friday night, “I shouldn't be in bed. I should be out partying like Dave is. He seems to be having such a good time. Who are the girls dancing with him? Don't I have a life?”
Jeffrey contemplating his decision to stay in
Now Jeffrey, who was looking forward to enjoying his hard-earned sleep, gets up, clicks on reply and texts Dave back, “Wya bro? Send me the pin!”
Jefferey, in a rush, decided to go out that Friday night.
The series of events that led to Jefferey ditching his initial plans to stay in, originated from fear. The fear of missing out - aka FOMO.
What exactly is FOMO?
The strange feeling that clenched Jeffrey’s throat can be explained by feeling or perceiving that others are having more fun, living better lives, or experiencing better things than you are. It involves a deep sense of envy that affects self-esteem. It makes us perceive our current situations as less than ideal.
FOMO is often exacerbated by social media sites like, in Jeffrey’s case, Snapchat, or Instagram, Facebook and Twitter.
What role has social media played in this?
Modern day society, or the digital age, is now more than ever interconnected. The internet age has made the world much smaller. The United States, with all of its glamor, for example, isn’t 8500 miles away but a tweet away, an Instagram DM away. So, if we are ‘closer’ than ever, how are we still less connected as a species than ever? How then, are issues surrounding mental health and reported cases of loneliness, at a record high?
Multiple studies have found a strong link between heavy social media and an increased risk for depression, anxiety, loneliness, self-harm, and even suicidal thoughts. In another study, a US based psychologist - Jacqueline Sperling, PhD - working with youth who experience anxiety disorders, backs this claim, stating that the more digitally motivated we become, the worse it will get.
Social media has accelerated the FOMO phenomenon in several ways. It creates a situation in which you are comparing your regular life to the highlights of others’ lives. I’ll allow you to read that again. Comparing your life in its entirety, to only the ‘highlights’ of others. A 10-second snippet of what might have been — in reality, an hour long boring house party with only 5 guests. Do you see just how silly/ unfair that sounds?
Social media creates a platform for bragging. It is where things, events, and even happiness itself seems to be in competition at times. People are comparing their best, picture-perfect experiences, which will lead you to wonder what you are lacking.
Therefore, your sense of “normal” becomes skewed, and you seem to be doing worse than your peers. A pressure pot situation waiting to explode from the pressure.
Think about it
How is FOMO bad for you?
i) Comparison is the thief of joy
FOMO saps the satisfaction from the little things and wins. A nice cup of tea over hearty conversations with family becomes less valuable because you aren’t on an exotic holiday somewhere, like you saw on social media.
ii) Fake!
We become less authentic and more synthetic. More materialistic. We lack contentment because our understanding of what is ‘normal’ is exaggerated.
iii) It goes on and on and on…
Feelings of discontentment quickly morph into mental health issues. Depression and anxiety quickly surface. This is because our attempts to alleviate feelings of FOMO can actually lead to behaviors that exacerbate it. You feel as though you are missing out, so you spend most of your time on social media to remedy the feeling of lack. The more time you spend on social media, the more you feel as though you are missing out. A toxic cycle that is self-perpetuating. Never ending.
How can you beat FOMO?
#1. Change your focus
We all have that one person we follow on Instagram that’s always doing something fun and seems to rub it in your face. Let’s call her Jessica. Jessica was in the white sandy beaches of Diani last week and just one week later, she’s taking photos of herself on safari down at the Mara. If looking through Jessica’s feed makes you feel inadequate and ‘boring’ — block her or if that’s too extreme, unfollow her.
We forget that we are in control of what we see on social media. The power is literally in your hands! Unfollow people or sites that trigger your feelings of FOMO and follow those that are more centered around self-love and what inspires happiness.
#2. Get perspective
Most, if not all, feelings of FOMO originate from comparison. “That’s his second trip in 2 weeks, he must have money” or “She’s always out partying, she must have many friends.” Understand that, that which is shown on social media is usually a tip of a huge iceberg left unseen.
What if I told you that Joe, who just posted that he is on his way to Diani, is actually headed there for work related reasons? He won’t have time to actually enjoy the trip because he’ll be buried in meetings and writing reports. Bree, who is always out partying, spends most of the night out on her phone, withdrawn from the experience and avoiding actual interactions with people at all costs. Conveniently, she takes a ten-second highlight reel to keep her followers interested. That’s often the other side of FOMO. But we focus on the brighter side because we lack perspective. Understand that people will never show the grim, but will always show the glam. Disassociating from the highlight reels will make you much more graceful with yourself.
It’s all about perspective
#3. Practice mindfulness
One thing that social media steals from us is presence. There is a huge difference between being alive and being present. Most of us are alive, but how many are present? Journaling and meditation are the best way to achieve pure presence. The appreciation of the now. The feeling of now — good or bad.
Keeping a journal can help you to shift your focus from public validation to private appreciation of the things that make your life great. This shift can sometimes help you to get out of the vicious cycle of social media and FOMO.
#4. Just bin the apps fam!
The social media apps on our phones only have as much power over us as we let them. The same way you clicked install; you can click uninstall. It’s not hard. A digital detox can go a long way in regulating your dopamine levels. Every click, every double tap, every scroll through these platforms raises dopamine levels in our brains, forming a vicious cycle. The algorithms on these platforms are designed by psychology experts from Harvard and Yale to keep you hooked to scrolling. “Just one more TikTok. One more like. One more video…” Before you know it, it’s been hours of mindless scrolling. Like a zombie.
Break the cycle by deleting these apps. Go outside. Feel the sun on your face. Smell the flowers. Appreciate the gift of breath. You’ll be surprised just how asleep you’ve been while being fully awake.
#5. Seek help
If all else fails and you’re in too deep, reach out to someone for help. Be it a friend or a trained psychiatric professional. FOMO is real and can lead you down a destructive rabbit hole of inadequacy, remedied with more scrolling, which leads to anxiety and depression. All these can severely wear your mental health down if left unchecked.
“I’m here for you, bro,”
With FOMO, the only thing you are missing out on is time to get to know yourself, time to build long-lasting relationships with your loved ones and time to self-improve. Valuable time is what you are misusing when you focus on what you think you are missing out on.
I’ll leave you with this;
“Time is the most expensive luxury in the world, it’s something you spend and never get back, but you never know how much you have left,” ~ Roddy Ricch
All the best as you work towards presence.
